Please Don't

Please don't call me and talk slow. 

I already don't like phone calls, but calls with a purpose are fine. 

Please don't call me and slow talk.


How arrrrreeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuu?

Fine.

I'm fine. 

Welllllllllllll IIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiii

*blank stare*

Please only call me if you can talk regular speed.  Regular speed is fine. 

Well, regular speed is acceptable if for some reason we can't text.

Semi-Outrage

Please stop chronicling your medical issues on Facebook.

Really. I don't need to know that you're on another antibiotic.

There's nothing wrong with asking for prayers or something if you're going through illness or have an injury. I get it.

But an update after every medical appointment really isn't necessary. Really.

You want me to pay what?

I've had the damnedest time finding swim lessons for the kid.  Apparently, out here in the boonies mothers are expected to not have jobs because Saturday classes are few and far between. 

I thought I found lessons at the Y.  $70 lessons because I'm not a member.  But. 

I was wrong.  Apparently there's a $50 fee to be able to pay the $70 fee.  $120 for a swim class for a toddler.  Tod.  Ler. 

I guess it's time to come up with plan D cause... ummmm.... yeah...

That ain't happening. 

Dear 18 month sleep regression

I hate you. I want to punch you in the face. 

This baby who is so exhausted she nearly fell asleep while getting changed she doesn't need your kind. 

Go away sleep regression. Your kind is not welcome here. 

Shhhhhh

I think the way your brain works is stupid. 

I think the things that are important to you are dumb.

I think it's better if you don't talk.

Never talk.

Never say anything

Don't even think.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Don't Ask Me

I have a low tolerance for faux helplessness. 

Puppies are helpless.
Babies...helpless.
Tiny baby chicks, totally helpless.

But you.  Your big grown ass.  You're not helpless. 

It's one thing to say, hey I need assistance here's my dilemma.  That's okay. 

But woah is me... I never had any chance.... ooohhhhh who will save me.

Save your damn self.  Don't ask me until you've tried. 

Do it yourself

It's awesome that you're off next week. I hope you have an awesome vacation. 

Here's the thing. You being off isn't my issue. 

You want 85 things done between today and tomorrow? Do it yourself.