Vincent VanNough

I will be the first to admit....... I'm no artist. I do have SOME creativity in me though. But when you think you're the technician and tell me what to do and how to do it .....you stifle said little creativity I do have. 

How do you know you don't like it if I'm not done with it? 

The colors just weren't meshing? Are you serious? I wasn't done. Guess what the yellow I was going to put in it would have calmed down all the colors!!!

They just stood out too much. Took the attention off the main event.

Guess what........ That's what an ACCENT does. It stands out!!! It's not an accent nail when it looks like the rest of them! 

It's just too different.

Well you picked the colors. I just put them together. Seriously???? 

You've been in my chair for 4 hours go the flem flam home! 

Google that trick!!! 

Breathing Is Important

Dear Coworker, 

I get it. You don't like to call off, I don't either.  Which is why I almost never do. Even if I don't feel well I'm going to be right here. 

There's a difference between not feeling well and "about to die."  It sounds as if your ailment is of the latter. You've coughed non stop for the past ten minutes. I'm pretty sure that thump I just heard was one of your lungs quitting your body. 

Please go home. My baby just got over a chronic cough and if I get sick and pass it on, I'm going to kick you in the ear. 

The Audacity of Me

I'm sorry I took a lunch break. And am coming in from said lunch break as you are leaving on YOUR lunch break...where you say "I've been looking for you".

IDGAF.

I'm sorry that I would dare leave out for lunch during a time when you were still there and might need to ask me a question.

I always get some offended ass look when I leave out for lunch at 12:30...1:00, etc. I don't want to take lunch at 11 because you're taking lunch at 11 and you might need to ask me a question at 1:12. What if I need to ask you a question at 11:03 but you're gone to lunch? The world continues to spin doesn't it? Doesn't it?!?!?

I am a saver!!!

My boobs save stuff all the time!!! 

Chips, bread, chicken crumbs and sometimes even drinks! 

Lololololololololol! 

Because I'm special

Why do people think they are the exception to the rules?

You're exempt from consequences because You're light skinned? Because you have a vowel in your name? Because you breathe? 

Please explain so I can be on your page. Because where I'm from over sleeping is not a reason to not have to pay a cancellation fee. IMO 

Google It Bitch!

Google has all of the answers. All of them. If you try to Google and you come up with nothing, then it doesn't exist, or you're a dumbass. 

I completely understand why some questions are  necessary: 

- anyone have a great asparagus recipe? 

    Valid question 

- how do I cook asparagus? 

     Google it Bitch. 

- anyone have tips for having fun at Disney? 

   Valid question 

- what time does Epcot open? 

    Google It Bitch 

- has anyone been to Blue Fish for dinner? What did you think? 

    Valid question 

- What's the address for Blue Fish? 

      Google It Bitch. 

I want to tell people to Google It approximately 1,300 times a day. While karate chopping them in the throat. Yay for impulse control. 

Whatever I Want

I want to be able to do whatever I want. Some people do. They aren't productive in life, they just do whatever they want. 

Go to school? Nah

Get a job? No thanks 

Take a shower? No way 

Raise their kids? Pfffttt

Contribute to society? No thanks. 

But then something changes. People get tired of them mooching, they cut cut off. And suddenly Whatever They Want isn't do comfortable. 

"No one will help me" 

Nope. You couldn't be bothered to help yourself.  Now we're doing whatever we want. 

Women...Sheesh

Every friggin time we get right to the part where we're ready to close the deal...out comes the "I have to talk to my wife." And every time they go talk to their wife, some bullshit starts.

Hating ass wives.

The men are all,
"Do you have a job?"
"Do you have a pulse?"
"You're not going to be calling me for shit every two seconds are you?"
"Let's go!"

Then the wives.

"Well we have to get other applications."

The fuck for?!? You list your fucking house for rent. You have a family come by that likes it and you like them and they can afford to pay their rent every month...what's the damn problem? What, are you going to miss out on the magic tenant?

"We have to do a credit and criminal background."

You need to know that we can afford your damn rent. That's what you need to know. That we have jobs and can pay rent on time. And that previous landlords don't think we're squatting assholes. That's it.

Fuck you lady.

Things that make you go BI!?$

How you gon miss or cancel your appointment with me and then when I charge you a cancellation fee you go to someone else? 

Then post on fb how you are getting your nails and feet done. 

It shouldn't bother me but it annoys the ish outta me. 

Registration Fees

My 18 month old goes to a daycare center.  It is a great place, the facility is awesome, the teachers are great and I know that she is well care for.  But.  There's something I don't understand. 

When we signed up, we paid a registration fee.  That made sense to me, I guess.  There was paperwork to be processed, etc.  I get it as a one time expense.  But it's not a one time expense.  It's yearly! 

YEAR. LY. 

Why the hell do I have to pay a new fee every year?  Supposedly it's to "hold their spot" or some crap.  Isn't that what tuition does?  It's not as if we can not go next week, pay no tuition, then show back up the week after because "well we paid the registration fee". 

Maybe other folks have extra money.  In fact, I'm sure other folks have extra money.  I'm sure some people don't scoff at this high-ass fee.  I'm not one of those people.  I am broke.  Extra broke.   Broker than broke.  Br.. cause I can't afford the oke. 

If you need the extra money, build that shit into tuition and spread it out over the year.  Anything else is just stupid.  And annoying. And sad inducing because I'd like to have a wee bit of money in my pocket. 

Nail Tips

Don't let 30 minutes into your appointment come up and you haven't arrived or called. If you're t work and your boss is keepin you sneak to the bathroom and send me a text. 

Please!!!! Please!!! Don't touch your nails after I have cleansed and prepped your nails for product. 

As a matter of fact think of your hands as mine while you're here. 

Always ask for soap!!! Why do people go to the bathroom, and I know there's no soap or very little, and you come out and haven't asked for any? 

Now you need this whole bottle of cool blue, hand sanitizer, and I'm putting on gloves. 

Nasty mofos! 

Alway tip!!! It's the crustiest feet people or the most difficult that don't too. Seriously? You loser!!! 

But...... Why do people tip? I mean I am paying you for the service. Who came up with that? 

I do it I just wanna know where it originated. 

Really???

So apparently I went to school to be a miracle worker. The problem is I must have been absent during those courses cause I don't know how to do that. 

I can't make your crusty fee smooth when you're 809 pounds and walk barefoot. 

Or your 73 pounds but don't moisturize and walk around barefoot. 

Or you're somewhere in between and you drink 2 ounces of water in between visits. 

WTF am I supposed to do with that? 

Why do you think you can be 30 minutes late and expect to get the full service. You're messin with my money!!! 

WTF makes you think it's ok to go to jury duty for the day and then tell me how tired you are and that's why you can't make your 80$ appointment? 

WhyTF am I sitting here looking for duck shit for a baby shower? That shits stupid as hell!!!! WTF is a duck?!?!!! 

Just STFU and leave me alone

That's like, my life mantra. I would prefer if you never talked to me, but if you must...

*Do not whine about shit to me. Especially if you're whining about the same thing eleventy times in a row. STFU and leave me alone.

*I do not care what you did last weekend or what you're doing this weekend. And I don't want to talk to you about my weekend. STFU and leave me alone.

*I don't care why you let your bad ass kid do whatever random, ignorant shit they're doing. STFU and leave me alone.

*You should never utter the words "turn up" or "turnt up" or anything of the sort, and that goes triple if you're over the age of 30. If you're 40 talking about you're going to "turn up" this weekend, STFU and leave me alone.

**This list may be added to at will...

We Have Responsibilities

Someone said they didn't understand why people would work jobs they didn't like. 

Really?!?!? 

Do you live in your mom's basement while she pays all the bills?  

Real people with REAL lives have responsibility. They work jobs they don't like to keep the lights on and food on the table. Sure it would be great to play Candy Crush all day, but that isn't going to do a thing for my grocery bill. 

GROW UP AND GET A LIFE! 

We're Outraged!

A blog about the random stuff that makes us upset, but we can't (or aren't supposed to) talk about.  We are anyway!