Really???

So apparently I went to school to be a miracle worker. The problem is I must have been absent during those courses cause I don't know how to do that. 

I can't make your crusty fee smooth when you're 809 pounds and walk barefoot. 

Or your 73 pounds but don't moisturize and walk around barefoot. 

Or you're somewhere in between and you drink 2 ounces of water in between visits. 

WTF am I supposed to do with that? 

Why do you think you can be 30 minutes late and expect to get the full service. You're messin with my money!!! 

WTF makes you think it's ok to go to jury duty for the day and then tell me how tired you are and that's why you can't make your 80$ appointment? 

WhyTF am I sitting here looking for duck shit for a baby shower? That shits stupid as hell!!!! WTF is a duck?!?!!!